


Where the Lover Never Leaves

by Zevgirl



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlet Collection, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2017-11-15 02:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zevgirl/pseuds/Zevgirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short ficlets, drabbles, short stories, all non-chronological, involving random f!Shepards, her friends, and her lover, Thane Krios. Will mostly be set in ME2 and 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Eve of Battle

In a worn out and whiskey-addled fog, Shepard pauses at the memorial wall. Again. She reads the names, slowly, reverently, and her eyes glaze over when she reaches the only plaque that matters now.

_Thane Krios_

God, how she misses him, well beyond what her training dictates, and certainly beyond reason. More than his body, more than his touch, she misses _him_ , wants to see him, wants to talk to him. The easy rhythm of their relationship took her through the light and the dark, with Thane holding fast to her hand, and her heart. She longs to hear his steady voice telling her how she should handle the emptiness consuming her now, the nervousness, the fear as the Normandy heads for Earth. Only once before had she been at peace on the eve of a momentous battle, when Thane was at her side, his own melancholy thoughts eased by her tender kisses those many months ago, but now….

With eyes drifting closed, she reaches out, imagining him there, right in front of her, and it's so real she feels her fingers brush along his collar before draping an arm over his shoulder, his hand taking hers, and then pressing it to his heart _._ "I've got you, Siha, and I'm never letting go," he would tell her. And she would cling to him, nestling her face into his neck, accepting it all.

She begins to sway on her feet, then shivers when Kaidan rests a steadying hand on her shoulder. A last glimmer of hopefulness shines in his gaze, but she waves him off, the sting of tears building. His head drops as he leaves and she's already forgotten his gesture.

The plaque calls to her again, Thane's shadow lingering just outside her periphery. The metal burns her fingertips as she traces the letters, repeating his name over and over until it doesn't sound _right_ anymore, another name lost to history.

She wills herself to glance at the life support doors, the room bereft of his belongings for so long, except for his mug. She could never bring herself to remove it because it was all she had left of him. Most days she found some peace sitting at his table, talking to him as if he were there, retelling the events of the day. But the fleeting moments of tranquility always ended when her head dropped into her hands and her shoulders began to shake, noisy sobs bursting from her lungs. _Would this time be any different?_ she wondered.

Heavy steps take her inside the room, to his chair, his place in her world. The chair creaks when she sits down, but she can't remember if it made any noise when he sat there. No, she thinks, it never did because he always moved silently, deliberately, mute as a lover's glance across a crowded room. Silent as death most days.

Except the last day.

Her fingers wrap around the mug, and she holds it to her nose. She can almost smell the herbal tea, taste it as if she were kissing him as she always did after he'd taken a sip. A memory sends her back to the last moment, the rattling of his voice, the ragged breaths he took as he gripped her hand in his, her head resting on his shoulder when he said his final admission.

"I love you, Siha. I love you."

She suddenly wonders why he had never told her before that moment, but now, knowing it was probably the night before her own death, it dawns on her: He didn't want to burden her with his love. Stupid man, she thinks as the tears begin to flow. But then again, she'd never said it either, for the same reason, she supposes. But words weren't necessary when they moved together late into the night, a tangle of limbs and a chorus of moans. No, in those moments they knew what they meant to each other. Still mean to each other.

Every word, every prayer he had said held truth for her now. She had learned to laugh again, unafraid to love deeply and selflessly, even when she knew what the future held for them. She believed then, as she does now, because of him.

And yet she wants to throw the cup at the wall, to watch it shatter into little pieces, so it's no longer useful, simply broken, as she is. Does she have just enough strength and pride left to see it through to the end, to save them all, to make him proud? She presses the mug to her chest, hard against her ribs, her heart beating fast, and she vows to rally. So many promises to keep, people to save, memories to preserve. She's ready for it all this one last time. She has to be.

Shepard rises from the chair and takes the mug with her, her fingers threading through the handle. She'll stash it in her gear somehow, taking him with her to the last battle. She smiles thinking of his face, his lips on hers, his breath in her ear. A comfort and warmth suddenly wash over her, a prayer drenching her in a new hope.

_Guide me, Kalahira, to where the lover never leaves. Guide me across the sea._

Soon enough, she thinks, squaring her shoulders. He won't be alone for much longer. And neither will she.


	2. Flawless

_The Collector Base is going to Cerberus. Studying it will help destroy the reapers_ , she thinks _._

Or will it help the Illusive Man conquer the galaxy? Shepard stares at her reflection, the scars from the cybernetic implants a distant memory. _Goddamn Collector Base._ And goddamn Cerberus, she thinks, berating her naïve thoughts of invading and conquering.

 _We have dedicated our lives to killing those who deserve death. We cannot not become what we hate_ , Thane had said.

Fuck it, and fuck Cerberus. They haven't helped her in any discernible way. Yes, they rebuilt her, kept her alive, but for one purpose only; to take out the enemy. Cerberus doesn't give a shit about her, and neither does the Illusive Man. She's just a means to an end. And that is one thing she hates to be.

_I'm disquieted, Siha. I trust you, but not the one you work for. I fear your actions will cause him to become a giant._

The second guessing is driving her crazy. She has to put it all behind her, to take that vacation with Thane. To the desert, yes, that was it. Nothing but the sky above them and sand beneath them.

But she can't ignore the knocks at her door any longer.

"Come on in, Thane." Shepard gathers up the datapads and spreads them across the coffee table, eying one closely.

"Apologies," he says. "I didn't know you had plans. I'll just-"

"No." She steps toward him, reaching out to lay her fingers on his arm. "Please stay. I have no plans. Those datapads can wait."

With hands crossed behind his back, he glances at the floor for a moment, then meets her gaze. "You have been avoiding me, Siha."

"I… yes." She shifts, looking toward the fish tank, and then blows out a breath. "You're disappointed with me, with my decision. I did what I thought was best at that moment, but-" She stops as her eyes close tightly for a second. "Everyone thinks I was wrong. Goddamn it, maybe I was."

"If you were wrong, well, perhaps there is still some small victory in this. The Illusive Man does have the resources to investigate the Collector Base thoroughly, maybe even in some ways the Alliance is not willing, or able, to do."

"Maybe." Inching closer, the peace he exudes washes over her, silencing the voices. But every cell in her body comes alive. "How can you be so… calm? And diplomatic? You never raise your voice. You never show any extreme emotion. Hell, you barely break a sweat in a gunfight. What's your secret?"

"I have no secret, Siha. I have only patience, ingrained in me at a tender age, and then well-honed over many years. Although I do beg differ about my emotions." He moves closer still, until they are almost face to face, his hand coming to rest on her hip. "They may not be readily obvious, but believe me, my emotions are very real, very honest, and when it comes to you, _very_ extreme."

With the strength of one arm, he pins her to the aquarium glass, pressing his hips against hers while his other hand moves lingeringly over her shoulder and down her arm. She frees her hands from his loosened grip, and tugs and pushes at his confining pants, her throat so tight and dry she can barely swallow. She wants to laugh and tell him not to waste his time with irrelevant foreplay, but his fingers touch her so skillfully that she lets him have his way. His lips brush her neck, his breath burning her skin, fingertips dancing along as if to the beat of a seductive tango. Such animal passion, such fire and lust. _God, just do it already!_

"For so long," he says in a low voice, "I thought you were a virginal, innocent sort."

She can't see the smile in his eyes, but knows it's there. "Clearly you haven't hung around the mess hall enough, Thane. My previous conquests are legendary."

"But I am not a conquest, Siha, nor a trophy. We have a business arrangement, correct?"

"That sounds like a challenge. Is it?"

He spares her a glance, his eyes flashing with defiance. "I'm going to enjoy making you eat those words."

She doesn't know whether it would be better for her to abandon her adventurous teasing or to continue following her heart. For a moment she wants to regain control, but when that sentiment disappears, she doesn't have it in her to try any more. She succumbs to the passion rapidly taking over, to the intoxication and charm of this new happiness, and to hell with the fear that warns and threatens her relentlessly.

"Live in the moment, Siha." Sliding his arms around her, he scoops her up, carries her to the bed, and lies beside her, holding her tightly.

She pulls back ever so slightly. "Thane, are you sure about this? About us?"

"As sure as I was the other night. I promise to hold you with all my heart, Siha, and I will _never_ let go. Not even in death. You will always be mine, and I, yours. But I think you know that already."

"Yes, you are. And I do! I do know it. I'm just... I don't know, a little scared? But don't tell anyone I used that word."

They smile together in silence before his lips capture hers in a heated kiss.

"Never fear," he whispers. "Your secret is safe with me."

And she knows that is the absolute truth. Everything he is and says is absolute. Always.

All through the night, two bodies move as one force, one single, flawless union. And it's more erotic than she ever imagined, more sensuous and soothing. Beyond perfection.

God, she loves him.

_Must be his bare chest._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a drabble that's been sitting on my PC for ages. I missed Thane.


	3. Lean on Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for the lovely Hot elf for the CMDA secret Santa fic swap. Happy Holidays, Happy Festivus, Happy Winter Solstice, Happy New Year, or anything else you may celebrate this time of year.

 

"We're shutting down your lab, Maelon." Shepard glanced at Jack and Thane with a mixture of menace and wariness in her eyes, but Thane already had his weapon in hand, held behind his back should things take a turn.

"Shutting down more than that," Mordin threatened.

"You can't face the truth, can you?" Maelon pulled out his gun and waved it around. "The blood of thousands is on our hands and you still won't admit that we were wrong!" Maelon's gaze narrowed, focused, his gun hand alternating between flailing at Mordin and motioning toward Shepard.

Thane's pistol snapped forward, aimed precisely at Maelon's forehead. With great effort, he stilled the urge to end the confrontation and eyed Jack as she rolled her shoulders next to him, her biotics flaring in her fists.

Shepard stood closest to the ranting Salarian, her arms at her side. Did Shepard know something Thane did not? She was intuitive, yes, but her proximity to Maelon coupled with his erratic behavior concerned him. Thane wasn't about to rely on her idealistic notion that this young scientist was too inexperienced to kill, that he was all bluster.

Maelon pinned Mordin with wild eyes. "You can't admit that your brilliant mind led you to commit an atrocity!"

Mordin's fist lashed out and struck his protégé with full force. The younger Salarian sailed backward, his weapon flying from his hands, leaving him shaking and scared. It seemed Shepard was correct in her assessment of Maelon.

"Unacceptable experiments. Unacceptable goals!" As Mordin put his gun to Maelon's head, Shepard took a cautious step toward them.

"Mordin, wait." Her hand came to rest on his shoulder. "We can take him with us to the Presidium, to face up to the crimes committed here." Then she shook her head. "On second thought, that could come back to haunt us."

"No mercy, Shepard. Have to end this."

"There must be another way." Shepard glanced at Thane without saying a word, her brows drawn, pleading for him to intervene, but he remained silent. It was not his place to interfere, not yet, though a part of him wanted to stop Mordin from treading on murderous grounds. Every one of Shepard's squad mates had killed people on missions, people who stood in their way, the enemies of the Alliance, the Reapers, Cerberus soldiers, all well-armed and aggressive. As far as Thane knew, Mordin only killed when the situation was life-threatening. Killing an unarmed man was murder, pure and simple.

"Won't change. No choice. Have to kill him."

"I say off the asshole," Jack piped up from behind.

"Shut up, Jack. I didn't ask for your opinion."

Jack was unfazed, rolling her eyes and shaking her head.

"Listen to me, Mordin. We can use his research," Shepard said. "He can still help you find a cure for the genophage safely, without this kind of cruel experimentation. I'll back you up all the way."

"Didn't teach him everything. No. Must end this." Mordin stared at his frightened protégé, leaning in close, his gun held to Maelon's temple. "For all of them."

"Mordin, no!"

Maelon's head shattered like a watermelon, his brains splattering all over the screen behind him. His body hit the ground with a thud.

"Apologies, Commander. Misunderstood mission parameters. Never thought he'd go so far."

"Goddamn it, Mordin! You murdered him when we could have used him for-"

She looked at Thane, an anxious frown forming on her lips. He discreetly shook his head, praying she wouldn't make another rash comment.

"The end justified the means," Mordin said. "He fell too far. Young and naïve. Should have… talked to him, got him through guilt."

"And if you hadn't killed him, he might have been an asset," she said through clenched teeth. "Now we'll never know."

Thane's eyes bored into hers, crystal-clear, his gaze as sharp as a surgeon's scalpel. He watched as her eyes darkened, and then he spoke, his voice a low growl. "Irina, it is over. Back off."

At his harsh words, her eyes flared with a contained rage. "You don't get it, do you?" The tightness of her brows relaxed then, the color leaching from her face and overwhelming her features. It wasn't fury in her eyes but heartache. "It was a mistake to kill him, for many reasons," she whispered, staring at the ground. "A big mistake."

"Right or wrong irrelevant." Mordin took a deep breath. "Problem solved. Data only loose end. Could destroy it."

"Do _not_ destroy it," Shepard insisted. "Take all of his data, and that's an order." She paused for a moment and calmed herself before speaking. "Better to have it and not need it."

" _All_ points taken, Shepard."

Thane saw a minute amount of hurt flash in Mordin's eyes, and Shepard saw it, too. Her mouth opened, but instead of an apology, an order rang out.

"Everyone, to the shuttle!"

Thane sighed. The doctor didn't deserve to be on the receiving end of Irina's frustration, and it saddened him to think that she was so obsessed with a cure for Kepral's that she'd turned a blind eye, oblivious to the feelings of their friend.

Thane ignored her command, lowering his head in prayer.

As she paced, her fists clasped and released in time with her footsteps. "Really, Thane, we don't have time to pray for this idiot."

She'd always said prayer never helped. Her god, or anyone else's, never heard or cared, not when she was younger and not now. A part of him wanted to prove her wrong, his heart longing for her to understand the peace that spiritual moments could provide, but he also knew she drew on _his_ faith and strength when she needed it. She certainly was a challenge. And though her impulsiveness often led her into danger, it sprang from a profound, wild spirit somewhere inside of her. He had no desire to take that away, only to teach her to harness those energies, to use them before they turned on her and took her spirit little by little.

"I pray for the innocents killed here, for the Krogan, for Mordin. For you and I." A flash of shame had lighted in her eyes before he pressed his lips together. His mouth grew dry as the tense silence between them lingered. "Go then, Irina. I will catch up."

"Fine. I'll see you back on the shuttle." Shepard nodded once before heading toward the pickup. She cursed, not bothering to hide her displeasure. Later, she would find Thane and apologize. Though he understood Maelon might have helped with a cure for Keprel's, simmering bitterness still bubbled within him. Her apologies would be welcome, but unnecessary. Mordin knew her well enough, too, and he'd probably forgotten about her transgression already.

Thane's head dropped back down.

_Arashu, guide Irina Shepard on the path of friendship and forgiveness._

* * *

After the chat-free trip back to the Normandy, Mordin and Thane exited the shuttle in silence, going their separate ways.

Jack grabbed Shepard by the arm as she stepped into the airlock, her eyes as dark and menacing as her voice.

"You always that subtle, Shepard? I don't give a fuck about the Salarian, but if you start treating everyone like that, you can forget about keeping your crew the happy bunch they are. Even your boyfriend can see that."

"Back off, Jack. You don't know shit."

"Get your head back in the game, Shepard. No one gives a shit about your personal life. Krios wasn't impressed with your soap opera routine either. Give the guy a break and-"

Shepard's fist connected with Jack's jaw, and she staggered, taking a step backward before her eyes narrowed. Jack threw her shoulders back before punching Shepard squarely in the gut.

"What the… hell?" Shepard gasped. "I ought to space your ass."

"Nice shot." Jack rubbed her jaw thoughtfully. "Keep that up and taking down the Collectors will be easier than a hooker in heat. But you're depressing the shit out of the crew, Shepard. We get it about Thane, okay?"

"I know, Jack. I'm frustrated, all right? Tired and frustrated."

"Yeah, well, whatever." Jack cracked her knuckles, her pent up energy needing an outlet. "I'm gonna go pound on something for a while. Just remember that we're all doing you a favor by being here."

"Noted." Shepard looked away for a moment, then met Jack's hot-tempered gaze. "And thanks."

Irina headed for the lab, trailing behind a speedy Mordin. She wasn't angry for the loss of life on Tuchanka or for Mordin's actions, as he'd had every right to take Maelon's life. It was the potential knowledge lost with Maelon's death that had her so wound up.

Chin held high, she walked into the lab, stepping up to Mordin and looking straight into his eyes. "Mordin, I apologize. I was out of line and should never have said those things to you."

"Forgotten already, Shepard. Understand the whys. Humans too emotional. Too much heart and not enough brain."

"I know you, Mordin. I saw how difficult it was for you to… to do what you did. I should have been more sympathetic. Instead, I was selfish. You're the last person I'd want to hurt. I'd like to get past this and-"

"Stop, Shepard. Save speech for Thane. Your motivations-otherwise called a lack of self-control-could cause a rift with him if not resolved. And unlike him, anticipated your reaction, but had to do what was needed. We are good. More than good." He looked up, his gaze unexpectedly compassionate. "Appreciate your guilt. Truly."

"Okay, I get the picture. But if I sense you're still angry with me, I will pester you until you let me hug you," she said, resting a hand on his shoulder.

"Stick with Drell. Salarian sex drive much weaker."

A flush crept across her cheeks, the exact reaction he wanted, she was sure. "Mordin, you're a good friend."

"Yes, yes, human need for forgiveness very repetitive and tiring. Now, must get back to work. Analyzing Kepral's data." He glanced up at her with a little smile. "Very close to breakthrough. Have singled out three ways to possibly slow down progress. But need more tests."

"Really? You're not kidding me, right?"

"Offended! Would never jest about Kepral's. Go Shepard. And maybe not mention this to Thane yet."

"That I can't promise, but I'll keep it low-key." She left the lab with an anxious yet joyous flow of adrenaline pulsating through her. Heading for the elevator to port side cargo, she wanted to settle down while spacing garbage. The simple button-pushing always had a calming effect on her.

Instead of seeing Zaeed hovering over his weapon's table, polishing his ancient rifle, she found Jack pushing the trash button over and over with careful precision.

"You've taken the word obsession to new heights, Jack."

"Hey. Turns out I needed some brain-numbing activity."

"So, where's Zaeed? Find himself a nice merc girl finally?" she joked.

"No clue." Jack's eyes lit with sudden mischief. "You know who came on to him the other day? Karin."

"As in Doctor Chakwas? Did he get her drunk?"

"Not drunk enough he said. I picked up a bottle of that ice brandy she likes when we were on Omega and made him give it to her. They shared some war stories, talked about the old days. She's got brass ones. Bigger than most women I know. Hell, most men. Zaeed likes that in a woman."

"Well, I suppose there is a certain symmetry to those two as a couple. Does that… bother you? I mean you two seemed close. Sort of."

"Fuck off, Shepard." Her smirk held amusement and annoyance in equal measure. "And your scars are flaring up again." Jack pressed the trash button in succession three times. "And how the hell are you supposed to stay calm anyway?"

"Good question. But if I had killed Maelon myself…? I should've, damn it."

"Could've. Should've. Shit, you can't second guess. He's dead now. Fuck it. Have a stiff shot of something. And then go shag your boyfriend. That disease hasn't messed him up yet, right?"

"No." Irina struggled to ignore an inner rattle of fear. "He's fine. In great condition, actually."

Jack's eyes widened. "Oh shit. I meant…shit. Maybe it's not… who the fuck knows what the future holds, huh?"

"We're working on it. Well, Mordin's working on it. The cure. Or at least, something to slow it down."

"Salarians are the ones you'd want crunching the data and fucking with cells," she said, pointing her finger at her. "They have a way around obstacles."

"Agreed." Shepard disappeared behind the wall where some garbage sat in not-so-neat piles.

Jack peered around the corner, then took a step. "What the hell are you doing, Shepard? Garbage detail for dummies?"

Shepard smiled and bent over, attempting to drag a large piece of metal toward the receptacle. "A little help here, Jack?"

"Christ, you're weak." Jack used one hand to help raise the scrap metal. "You need to lift some weights with me."

"Just… stuff it… in there!" she ordered with a huff.

Jack grabbed ahold of a bent corner of the metal. "The assassin does the same some days. Must be why you two relate."

"Oh yeah?" Shepard asked, genuinely surprised.

"Yeah. Part of his daily routine."

"Hm. I can picture it." Thoughts of Thane's rippling muscles lifting heavy sheet metal made her blush red in embarrassment and she turned her head away. She'd traced the contours of his muscles many times, memorizing their shape and texture. She'd laid her palms over his shoulders, spread her fingers wide over his collarbones absorbing the warmth of his flesh. She'd felt the firmness of him, dragging her fingers across his chest to his nipples, making his breath hitch every time…

Fantasizing along those lines made her feel so self-conscious that lost her footing, falling into Jack's arms. Eye to eye with her, she was unable to keep her eyes off Jack's face, the tattoos, those cheekbones. Her gaze was intimate, curious, and Jack said nothing as she stared.

"I, uh, I'm just admiring your bone structure," Irina said.

"Yeah, I've heard that a time or two."

Oddly enough, with Jack's arms wrapped around Irina, Jack seemed to revel in the closeness. Maybe it reminded her of how good it felt to hold a person, to enjoy them for all they offered, even if for a night. How long had it been for Jack anyway? Months at least. Irina's heart broke a little for her, that she hadn't ever known the depths of love, the kind of love Irina shared with Thane.

Jack interrupted Irina's musing, her eyes flashing with annoyance. "Done ogling?"

"Yeah," she said as the doors slide open behind her. With an embarrassed smile, she released Jack's arms, craning her neck around as Jack backed up a step.

Thane stood in the doorway, silent.

"Hey, Krios," Jack said. "She beat you to the trash today."

"I see," Thane said, his jaw set. "I am sorry for the intrusion." Abruptly, he turned to leave, his body stiff, not moving with his usual fluidity and grace.

"Shit," Irina said under her breath, eying Jack with a flustered expression on her face. "Thane, wait up!"

When she reached him near the elevator, the tension between them was close to unbearable.

"Can we talk a minute?" she asked.

"Yes, if you'd like."

"Let's go to my quarters," she said, gesturing toward the elevator.

He nodded ever so slightly as if it pained him in some way. "If you wish, Shepard."

_Shepard again. Damn._

It was the longest trip from the fourth deck to the first, silent and uncomfortable. "I fell," she blurted. "Tripped, actually. And she caught me so I wouldn't hit the floor."

He stared at her, his eyes blank and unblinking.

"Jack, I mean. She just reacted and kept me from falling on my face."

"I know who you meant. And you do not have to explain it to me."

"Jack's not interested in a relationship. We were just talking. She was listening to my complaining, and that's all."

"Please stop, Irina. I am not jealous if that's what you are thinking."

She walked with purpose after the elevator doors open, taking deep breaths to stay calm. "Okay. But you looked pissed."

"I'm sorry I interrupted your heart-to-heart with her. That's all," he said when she turned to him.

"I wondered if you were angry with me." Thane followed her into her quarters and down the steps.

"Not angry, no."

"No? I don't believe you, not after how I treated you this afternoon," she said, her cheeks growing redder. "I was just so frustrated."

"I know what you were thinking, Siha. But Maelon could do no more for me than Mordin is already doing."

"I realize that now." Stripping down to a tank top and shorts, she whipped her clothes across the room. "I get it, Thane. I'm an idiot."

"No, you are incredibly stubborn and sometimes impetuous, but you are not an idiot."

She shook her head, still disappointed with her behavior. "Mordin acted like it was nothing when I apologized, but I know I hurt his feelings, too. I need to reassess the way I go into these missions. Clearly my head was up my ass and I-"

With one swift movement, he grabbed her hand, spun her around once, and then dipped her backward, then up again. His muscles tensed as he felt her lean into his arms, as though they were dancing. He held her there for an instant, his dark eyes challenging as she smiled back at him until he pulled her into an embrace.

"You need to learn when to stop talking, Siha."

They melted together as his lips covered hers in a lingering kiss. His body hardened as hers softened, strong arms tightening around her. Swaying in rhythm to a nonexistent tune, she followed his lead, her hand on his shoulder, his hand pressed against the small of her back. In another swift motion, he scooped her into his arms, causing her to let out a little squeal of delight.

"Why do you hang around me when all I do is bring you down?" she asked.

"Your effect on me is quite the opposite. You've given my life purpose again, a chance to atone. I'm stronger by your side than I have ever been." She held onto his neck as he straightened. He carried her to a side table and delicately perched her atop it. "You make me feel alive, Siha. Never doubt that. And your occasional bouts of melancholy are understandable. They will never undermine how I feel about our mission. Or you. I'm committed to both."

Her shoulders drooped and her eyes fell to the floor. "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did earlier."

"I know you are," he said, his fingers smoothing away a tear on her cheek. "Several months ago, you would never have had the reaction you had on Tuchanka. I fear my involvement in your life is causing you undue strain. You question your decisions now, rethink every motivation and comment. I never wanted you to-"

"Stop. Just stop," she said, jumping off the table. "It's not about you. Not really." More tears welled in her eyes.

"Then what? Please confide in me, Irina."

Turning away from him, her hand raised up to her neck. Her mother's small, golden crucifix traveled everywhere with her. During quiet, reflective moments, she would take it out, touching it for introspection. Not praying per se, but attempting to draw on her mother's strength the last days of her life.

"I have to explain something to you," she said in a low voice, not looking at him. "Something I've never told anyone."

"Come sit with me."

When she didn't answer, he took her arm, and as he guided her to the couch, he realized she was trembling. "You trust me, do you not?"

"Yes," she whispered. "Of course."

She tilted her chin up at him as he held her gaze. "Then let me help to bear your burdens."

When she looked at Thane, the concern in his eyes and the slight furrow across his forehead were her undoing. She grabbed his hand, holding fast.

"My father hit the bottle pretty hard after my mother got sick, but he managed to keep it together during the week for a while, doing all those fatherly things, taking me places, scrutinizing my boyfriends, even taking me shopping. I know he loved me but," she paused, and Thane squeezed her hand. "I would have liked to hear him say it. After three years of hospitals and operations and medications that didn't work, my mother died, and then he… he disappeared into himself, into the bottles of whiskey and gin and whatever he could get his hands on. Even when I threw away the booze, he never said anything to me. He just found more. He lost his job within a month. Then he never left the house, sitting in the window that overlooked the backyard, watching those damn squirrels. One day I came home, and he wasn't sitting by the window. He was… I found him in the garage. Suicide. He died of a broken heart, I guess."

"Such a burden to bear for one so young, Siha." Thane brushed stray, damp hairs from her eyes. "But you could not have stopped him from ending his life. Even if you had intervened that day, he would have succeeded on another."

"I know. But at the time I thought I should have had him committed to a hospital somehow, lied and said he was harming me or threatening the neighbors or something." She shook her head. "But that would have killed him too. So I did nothing."

"You were hardly more than a child. Fourteen or so? They would have taken you away or placed you with relatives and left him to his own end. Although I'm not sure which would have been worse for you."

"Me neither. But the Alliance saved me, thank God." A smile slowly returned to her lips, blooming like a spring flower. "And now with you and I together and our crew and all the successes we've had, you'd think I'd be happy all the time and…. I don't know… not such a downer."

"You are our leader. You're respected by everyone on this ship, never doubt it. And you're allowed to be a downer when you need to be. We are _all_ entitled to those moments. But I am here to beat back the darkness and pain you feel. Though I don't really think you need my help."

"That's where you're wrong, Thane. I _do_ need you. You make me laugh. You make me talk about all those things I've locked away. You make me believe, and I was scared to feel all those things. But…." Biting her lip, she looked away and regained some control over her emotions. "My love for you, _our_ love, has changed me. It's opened my eyes to what really matters. All the things I need and want and the advice and love you give to me so freely all the time. And I know I'm babbling because it's overwhelming sometimes, but so, so wonderful too."

"Siha…."

"Shh." With a sweet smile, she reached over, and with her hand on his cheek, kissed him on the lips. "You make me brave."

He pulled her closer to him and their lips met in a soft, passionate kiss. Regret and hope, longing and love, and, even more, forgiveness and understanding were there in the kiss. And beyond that, his lips were so sweet that she loved them, and him, more each time she tasted them.

They fell into a warm, calming embrace. He ran his hand down her spine with the softest of touches and his lips came to rest on her ear. "Have I mentioned how much I adore you?"

"Not lately, no." Her lips curved into a mischievous smile.

"Then allow me to say this... I adore you, Irina. With all that I am." He paused and looked at her, with nothing but love in his eyes. "That being said, I offer you this." He reached into a pocket and withdrew a small red box. "Take the box top off."

At that moment, her heart raced as if she were anticipating a gun fight. "Thane… you… what have you done?"

"Something I think you want as much as I do."

Her hand almost shook with anticipation as she pulled the top off to reveal a beautiful ring set in platinum with a magnificent sapphire in the center.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes," she said, so quietly she wasn't sure if he heard her judging by his lack of reaction. Though her breath seemed stolen from her lungs, she managed to speak. "I absolutely want to marry you."

His beautiful lips turned up in a wide grin. "I know this may seem… reckless, or even selfish, given the events of today, but I couldn't wait any longer."

"Oh no, it's…perfect. Absolutely perfect." She took the ring and slid it onto her finger. "See? Perfect."

"As are you. And I want to make love to you right now. More than I need to breathe."

She watched, captivated, as he stood, unlatched his belt, peeled off his clothes, and tossed them into the corner. Still dumbstruck from his proposal, she was silent as he took her hand and led her to the bed, where he playfully pushed on her shoulders. She fell backward, her loose hair flying about her face. Then he covered her body with his own, their mouths meeting and parting, delving deep and nipping lightly. Her hands roamed his body, playing along his broad shoulders as he deftly removed her clothes piece by piece.

Craving each other's company to combat a feeling of loneliness, a need to connect, to touch, caress, make love, these things were always there when they were together. But this time, something was different. This time, their love-making was not nearly as feverish and wild as it had been other times. It was slow, lazy, achingly tender, filled with nuzzling and wordless murmuring and soft stroking. This time, they moved with greater deliberation, more appreciation, a connection so profound and so spiritual that they felt it in a shared soul.

They came together in a surge of blazing desire, their bodies intertwined, tasting and caressing until their bliss took them soaring beyond reality.

Basking in the afterglow, Irina curled into Thane's side. "Mordin thinks he's close to slowing the Kepral's process, and he wouldn't say anything to me if he wasn't very sure."

"I can see how pleased you are with this news."

"Aren't you?"

"Of course. I am _cautiously_ pleased," he said, but the growing seriousness in his gaze held her captive. "I love you, Irina," he said. "And I want a lifetime with you. I want children with you, a house, a home. A life beyond all this."

"That's my dream, too."

"It won't be just a dream. It will be our life. Of this I have no doubt."

The depth of his faith thrilled her, making it all real, special and exciting. "I agree," she said. "I hope that we still say 'I love you' twenty times a day when we have kids, and I hope they hear us."

"With your big mouth? Not a concern."

"Ha, ha." She elbowed him, then reached out and captured his lips in a searing kiss.

Change was in the wind, and they had a future to plan. But for now, they were happy to just revel in each other's company and feast upon each other's love.


End file.
